I woke up fully clothed and cold in the front seat in my hooptie of a car. Again.
Too much drinking. Too much shunning responsibility. Again.
It was the third night in a row. I ruined everything. Again.
Today I celebrate 18 years of sobriety. Although I make time to reflect daily, milestones like this cause me to consider where I was, what happened, and what life is like now.
The life and opportunities that I experience most days in sobriety are like warm towels, your own bed, and perfect weather compared to even the best days during my drinking life. Juxtaposing the best days back then with lousy days today shines a light on just how bad it was and just how good it is now.
“I Was Pathetic”
I was a drunk. I was violent and dishonest. You’d love me for the first hour after meeting my acquaintance and never want to see me again after that. I picked fights at my cousins wedding (and don’t remember). I got in more bar fights than a ninja has nunchucks. I drank at work. I wasted money and squandered opportunity. I destroyed relationships with family, had no genuine friends, and my posse was full of ne-er-do-wells that were on my same path to nowhere.
I was hopeless and helpless. Pathetic. I just wanted to d1e but didn’t have the guts or the resources to do it.
And then I went to my first AA meeting. I had no plans to get sober. Instead, I just wanted to placate my (ex) significant other for a couple days so I could return to wreaking war on the world.
But everything changed at that first meeting. It was exactly where I needed to be. I was introduced to a Higher Power. I met selfless individuals that had what I wanted. I followed their lead, worked the steps, got a sponsor, and did the d@mn thing.
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yes, there were some very challenging days trying to repair the damage I’d done. But I didn’t drink. I continued to work the steps. I reached out for help when I felt lonely, scared, or angry.
And everything got better. That trend continues every day. People still d1e. I still face disappointment. Initiatives still fail. The world keeps spinning. As long as I don’t drink, the possibilities are endless and things that baffled me, personal issues that I thought had nothing to do with alcohol continue to resolve themselves.
Life is beautiful and limitless. I promise.
I’m no friggin’ guru, and I don’t have it all figured out. If you need to talk, I’m here. However, I strongly encourage you to find a meeting near you. They are everywhere, nearly all the time—seven days a week. You can do this. It isn’t too late, and you’re worth it.
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